Mom had passed away in August and Christmas was approaching and I found myself 5 months pregnant, sad, and in the middle of the end of a marriage. It was our first Christmas without Mom. Christmas was one of her many favorite holidays. Anytime that she had us altogether made her extremely happy but Christmas was the holiday that she planned for all year. Many times in April she would tell me that she found the perfect Christmas present for someone. The trick was if she could remember where she put whatever it was that she bought in April at Christmas time.
So here I sat in the middle of the first Christmas without my Mom.
Under the Christmas tree I notice three presents. One to my sister, my brother and myself from our Dad all wrapped identically. I was busy watching my 5 year old tear open her presents when I glanced up at my sister across the room as she opened her present. She looked up at my Dad and started to cry and set whatever it was that she had opened on the floor. I saved my present for last. Wondering what exactly my Dad would have gotten for us.
I picked up the present that was wrapped in green wrapping paper. Inside there was a glass jar. On one side of that jar it there is my name and the word memories. On the other side of the jar it says Love Mom 2001.
My Mom died in 2005 but her illness started before then. I knew by that that this was something she had planned out. Inside the jar there were slips of folded paper.
Yellow and pink.
I opened the jar and grabbed any random slip first.
My Mom’s eyesight was one of the first things that left her body and the rest of her followed. She hadn’t been able to write for quite sometime and when I saw her handwriting. Fresh. Clean. Legible. I choked up. On the first slip was written…
Remember that I will always love you.
I quickly closed my jar and set it on the floor. My (then) husband asked me what it was but I told him that I couldn’t talk about it right then. My Dad and I made eye contact from across the room and that was it. I was overwhelmed by what was truly a message from beyond death. Those were words that I really needed to hear and having them in my Mom’s handwriting was eerie.
Later my brother and sister and I sat and compared our memories. Some were the same
Remember what a mess your room was.
Remember going trick or treating and Dad would scare us when we got home.
Remember our Christmas Trees.
Remember the picnics and fun on the 4th of July
Others were meant just for us.
Remember when your cat had kittens in your sleeping bag.
Remember when I brought you the doll home from Texas.
Remember when you got your braces.
Remember Oscar the Grouch.
And many more. A jar full. While no jar can fill the many memories that we have. Sometimes it helps when I miss her the most to see what memories she held dear. I feel just a little bit closer to her then.
Filed under: grief, life, loss, love, memory, mom, parenting, relationship, small thoughts
I don’t think there is a love any stronger than the love a mother has for her children. What a beautiful gift your mother has given you – not only did she take the time to write out each message – she took the time to live those memories with you, and with the jar has given the memories that you will carry far into forever….
Every time you open that jar and pull out a memory… you are reaching out your hand to someone who was very special to you – I am sure she sees that, and in her own way reaches her hand back…. don’t be afraid to remember for those memories are precious — and by sharing this so very special part of you, you are allowing your mothers gift to live on — in others…. I am sure I am not the only one reading this who thinks what a great idea, I think I will do something like that for my children.
Thank you Bibliomom!
Absolutely Stunning!
Your mom was amazing — what an incredible thing to do for her kids. This was just a beautiful post.
Wow. You floored me with this story. I love the idea of a memory jar. Awesome. Someone recently posted on one of my Gather articles that “there are no accidents” and to have the very first memory you pulled from the jar say “Remember that I will always love you” kind of brought this message home. That was not an accident. It is as if your mom was there to guide your hand to THAT message.
I really do love the idea of the memory jar. I may steal it from your mom. I have a feeling that my time is limited and I want to leave something meaningful for my three children. Maybe this is it…a memory jar. Your mother’s love and wisdom has touched more people than those she meant for it to touch…like ripples in a pond…her reach is beyond what she imagined.
Remember that your mom will always love you.
That made me cry. I guess I get my sensitive side from both of my parents, and I don’t know what I’d do without them. I really wish I could have met your Mom. From the way you speak of her, I know she was a wonderful woman. With that jar in your house, she always will be.
My first Christmas without Mommy was distinctly weird. I can’t tell you about it without sullying the wonderfulness of this post. So, I’ll tell you about it another time.
The business of buying things in the middle of the year is something I do too. It isn’t so much for Christmas but for any occasion. I like to just have some spare gifts around. I like to give gifts when it seems right to do so rather than on any particular day. Your Mom was cleverer than I have been in designing that gift. I like how it combines the good things of a gift on a particular day and on many other days. And, you have been nice in inspiring me and others with this idea (and David gave me a similar idea some time ago so he should be praised too).
This made me cry, it was so wonderful. Your mother must have been an amazing woman.
Wow. That was an awesome thing to do. In a way, to, making it for you let her relive the memories, too.
Thank you all. I didn’t mean to make anyone cry but it is a very touching story and it’s one of my most prized possessions and I was happy to share it with you all.
She was awesome and I miss her every day. Today in church a woman spoke when everyone was sharing about what they were joyful about. She told how it was 17 years ago today of her Mom’s funeral and the song that we sang was sang at her funeral and she started to cry. I don’t think I’ll ever get over missing her but I’m so glad that I have this from her and that I have my girls who remind me every day of the power of love.
What an imaginative and incredible woman your mother was. Most of all what a gift you had of her, she was obviously such a wonderful person and you a millionaire for having her. Thank you for sharing this story.
Some years ago, I wrote a “mother’s pray” for my own daughter should I not be around.It is still in note form in a book and I had decided to give it to her anyway, when she became of age.
It makes me now think of getting it written up properly,as I would not want it going a stray if I passed on.
The power of love can overcome anything. Keep writing and loving.
The autumn before my mother died (she passed away just before Christmas), she told me that she was knitting sweaters for her grandchildren for Christmas. I nodded and smiled, but didn’t believe her. She had been a wonderful knitter, always, but in the months before she died, she was very, very weak, and by then, her mind was very affected by the cancer that finally took her. I imagined that she was confused with past Christmases… there was no way she had the strength to be knitting multiple sweaters. I thought.
On Christmas morning, a few weeks after she died, there they were, wrapped by her nurse weeks before. Sweaters for each grandchild… and, the thing that made me cry… one for me, too.
Thank you for your beautiful story.
What a beautiful gift!