Transformation
Posted by: BiblioMom on: October 17, 2007
Jaynova wrote a post about transformation the other day. (Maybe it was yesterday so that would mean he wrote it yesterday). Transformations occur in (forgive the What About Bob? reference) in “baby steps”. One small change added to another small change that eventually form to make what can only be described as a transformation.
I didn’t wake up one day and decided “HEY! Sounds like fun to be a single Mom.” There were a plethora of challenges I needed to deal with before I was ready to make that move. I had never been on my own. I went from my parents house, to a dorm room for a few years, to being married. I was clueless at that age who I was or who I was to become. One of my ex husbands contentions with me was that I was no longer like the girl he met. DUH! He met me when I was 15. I would surely hope that I wasn’t the same girl he met. Prior to our divorce being finalized I had the chance to tell him “I wish you could have loved the woman I have become and not still want the girl that you met”. I thought that was BRILLIANT… it was lost on him. I honestly don’t think he got it and the poetic nature of it was really just over his head by a mile.
Now I’ve been on my own for over a year. I’m just getting to really know me and like me. I no longer think of myself in connection with another person (with the exception of my girls. They define me) I make my own decisions. I read in bed all that I want. I carry out my garbage and I don’t own a screwdriver. It’s beautiful.
So yesterday when I was thinking about all of this transformation stuff I realized that I have never painted my toes red. While the girls and I were out getting aluminum foil and forgetting to get light bulbs and milk I picked up a red nail polish. I then proceeded to paint my toes a shade of red that I have never wore.
Transformation occurs one red toenail at a time.
(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
e.e. cummings
32 Responses to "Transformation"
October 18, 2007 at 12:10 am
I have worn red nail polish (it’s called Million Dollar Red and is kind of a Chinese red if you know what I mean) for the past 16 years. I have my own supply and take it with me in case the salon doesn’t have it because I won’t have any other shade of red.
I was thinking just yesterday that it’s time for me to transform and was thinking, coincidentally, that I might try a different color the next time I get my nails done at the salon. I’ll keep you informed.
October 18, 2007 at 8:07 am
I’ve only ever worn black nail polish! (No, I’m not goth).
Nice post! My divorce was also because that my ex eife and I bacame different people than we were when we started dating 14 years ago. The problem was that we became two people who valued different things. I think that she noticed it first, but she was in denial.
I don’t know where I’m going with this.
October 18, 2007 at 9:37 am
~One of my ex husbands contentions with me was that I was no longer like the girl he met.~
One of my ex husband’s contentions was that I paid more attention to the kids than I did to him.
Well duuuhhh! They were little (2, 6, and 8 when he ditched us) and totally dependent on me! What was I supposed to do, ignore them and pay attention to only him?
October 18, 2007 at 9:59 am
Given my post of this morning, I will keep with the same theme. These things that you’ve observed as being crazy aren’t always that way. That is, you are completely right. They are crazy and they are to be avoided. My sweetie isn’t the same girl she was when she was fifteen. I loved that girl but I’m sure glad she’s grown up. I’m not the same boy as I was then either. So, I just have to agree: of course we changed. We changed together.
Now that we have kids (about the same ages as Corina’s) we do pay a whole lot more attention to the kids than to each other. Yet, since the kids are important to both of us and indeed part of both of us, there is a kind of attention to one another in the paying attention to our kids.
I’d also like to add that that while we both feel a certain frustration at the decrease in direct attention to each other, the descriptions that I’ve received from people here who are a little older and wiser than I am of how life changes as the kids grow is that our attention will refocus more directly on each other as time permits. And in that I draw double pleasure: knowing that things which are good will become better is heartening and seeing the efficiency of doing some of my adult socializing online during little breaks in my day as not just being silly but adding a long term feeling of calm and well-being to my life is pleasing too.
October 18, 2007 at 3:21 pm
You’re right. That was a BRILLIANT thing to say.
I like this post. Very much. 
October 19, 2007 at 10:35 am
I thought a little more about what you said. Not only is it brilliant in pointing out exactly what was wrong with him, it was tactful in that you didn’t emphasize that his claim was essentially him saying that he’s a pedophile.
By the way, I don’t think that I’ve mentioned lately in this forum just how much I admire you as a grown-up woman. So, I will now. I admire you as a grown-up woman.
I think I’m going to have to attempt to compete with you and put up my own sexy feet pictures.
October 19, 2007 at 11:34 am
LOL! You know that you are inciting a riot with all of my many grown up self admirers don’t you. The problem is that you aren’t an admirer you just hang around to harass me and point out the fact that I don’t know an algorithm from a logarithm. (thank you for doing that in private though) There is only one person who reads my blog who I have any desire to be admired by.
Your feet can’t compete with mine. Whenever I’m asked what my best physical feature is I always am eager to say, “my feet” followed by “my nose”. Everything in between is mediocre at best but the feet and the nose do me well.
October 19, 2007 at 11:47 am
I’m afraid my feet aren’t nearly as cute as yours Bibliomom so I won’t be posting any feet pics as Mr Hand has said. Mine look like Barney Rubble feet.
This was a beautiful post. I absolutely loved it from two perspectives.
The gradual nature of change. It’s hard to see. I have a friend who has lost 50 pounds in about a year’s time frame. When he told me I looked at him up and down and of course said, “man, you have lost weight” but in my head was thinking, “i can’t see it.” I loved your “one red toenail at a time” allusion.
I mentioned in one of my posts a friend who I’ve known since she was 17. For all intents and purposes… since she was a young girl. We went to her reunion together recently and she just turned 39. When you said, ““I wish you could have loved the woman I have become and not still want the girl that you met” ohhh… it took my heart away. It made me think of her. It’s only been in the past couple of years that I have looked at her the way you wish your ex had. I absolutely adore and love the woman who she is now. I’m lucky to have her as a friend.
Your toes look good in red. But transformation will come in its time and another color will take its place right.
Have a good weekend everyone. Julian
October 19, 2007 at 11:59 am
Haven’t we been through this?
It is your wit, wisdom and general personality that I admire. I still think of you as a letter sometimes. The feet icon freaked me out (just a little — and it wasn’t as easy to spot).
I’m busy for one hour. But, this sounds like a challenge to me. I’m gonna post my sexy feet when I get back. Two posts in one day! Whooosh. Exciting.
October 19, 2007 at 12:38 pm
awww shit… (that’s how we say it down here in Texas)
Alright if Mr Hand puts one up, I can’t let him be the only dude with sexy feet pics.
“Ya see…. I’m what ya call man-pretty.”
~Michael Kelso (Ashton Kutcher)
That 70’s Show
[...] 19th, 2007 by Mr. Hand My dear and lovely friend bibliomom has elegant feet as shown here. She has put up pictures of her feet both as nude feet or if you will naked feet and as bare skin [...]
October 19, 2007 at 1:01 pm
Wierd. The pingback hasn’t appeared. I’m going to go do something else for a bit. I’ve posted my sexy feet. Both of them. Two pictures! You’re up next jules.
October 19, 2007 at 1:56 pm
I’m having a really “shitty” (thats how we say it here too) day and so this whole feet thing is making me laugh. I wish I had more time to partake in all of the feet baring. I guess it gives me something to do on my Friday night with myself.
October 19, 2007 at 2:15 pm
Whoopie. I appear to be featured again. This time it’s “Logarithmic Joy”. I’m happy about that one being featured.
October 19, 2007 at 3:16 pm
Ugh!… I always! have my little point and shoot camera with me but left it at the house today.
Will send obligatory pics of nehked feets, post-haste as promised per the challenge set by Mr. Hand. By the way… Hand… i’m diggin your Dead-Head jammies. Nice addition to your footsies pics!
October 19, 2007 at 4:04 pm
While I admit to having something of a foot phobia, I do think that the red nail polish looks lovely. And I really enjoyed this post. Your husband lost out.
October 19, 2007 at 4:05 pm
Lovely story and feet. The red suits you. A Bibliomom Foot-Fetish website could be a money maker.
October 19, 2007 at 7:39 pm
I eventually managed to read the post, after having been distracted by the photos for a while. I do have quite the weakness for pretty feet, I have to admit. ANYway …
I think it’s wonderful that you’ve made such incredible progress in such a comparatively short time. Parenthood is difficult. Single parenthood is nearly impossible. Being a single parent and getting to know yourself at the same time is far more than many people are able to do.
So I think you’re quite a remarkable woman.
And the red polish is dead sexy, IMO.
October 19, 2007 at 10:44 pm
Alright… as promised here are the nehked feet of (ok, only partially nehked) Texas deist feet. I couldn’t find a glossy Camaro so I used a guitar as a prop instead. Julian
October 19, 2007 at 10:48 pm
sorry… the post didn’t work like I thought it would. Here we go. One more try.
Deist feets here.
October 19, 2007 at 11:31 pm
Woooie! Nice feet jules! I quite like the guitar prop. In fact, I’m jealous. I wish I had a nice guitar.
October 20, 2007 at 12:25 am
Indeed it was BRILLIANT. Does it matter that he didn’t get it? Just a little sad maybe.
October 21, 2007 at 6:21 pm
I’m very jealous of the attention your feet are getting. I, too, always tell people that my feet are my best feature. I have prehensile toes. I can pick things up with them, and write with them if absolutely necessary (which it never is).
Nevertheless, I do think yours are awfully nice, too. Well done on the red, and on the life in general.
October 22, 2007 at 11:27 am
OK. I said that completely wrong.
Your best features are that you are funny (though I also appreciate that you recognize funny things and have a lovely laugh) and you are nice (at least you’ve always been nice to me which makes me think you are nice to anyone who isn’t unspeakably rude first).
And, that’s why I admire you. Are you going to be funny about the word ‘admire’ in the same way you are about the word ‘relationship’? Do I have to replace it with ‘adore’ or is there some other word that works better?
October 22, 2007 at 11:29 am
Oh yeah. I forgot to mention, my sweetie had her toes done yesterday. Weird thing that. Fingers too. What does one call it when someone gets their toes done? Is it a toe job or a foot job? How about their fingers?
October 22, 2007 at 12:15 pm
So my question is are guys attracted to funny and nice? So what if a girl is funny and nice and charming but not perfect in the body side of things. I guess this is a bit related to the comment I just left on your blog post about the baby weight. What if I really want to impress a guy? A guy worth impressing should be impressed with my good qualities right? But what if I really want him to be attracted to me to? Of course as you know I don’t have the best self image of myself and I don’t see what about me a guy would be particularly attracted to other than my personality. I’m not the prettiest or the most attractive of women and there are a ton of attractive women out there for a guy to be attracted to. I really want a guy to like my personality and be attracted to me. I have such a strict idea of what that is though. A size 6. To be a size 6 I need to starve myself. I can do that but then I’m no fun to be around. I’m just thinking about stuff like this way too much lately.
October 22, 2007 at 1:59 pm
It depends on the guy. I once dated this girl who was a Miss Texas contestant a few years before we met. Gorgeous girl (to this day i don’t know what she was doing with me) who was a size zero. I didn’t know there was such a size.
Anyway, she turned about to be one of the biggest bitches I’d ever met. She treated people awful. Waitstaff were always getting berated when we went out. Her co-workers were miserable and as I learned and saw how awful her personality was, the “uglier” she began to appear in my eyes.
As i’ve gotten older it’s become more important to me the depth of a woman’s personality and spirit which adds to the physical beauty she may already possess. . Of course this is coming from a guy with Barney Rubble feet so what do I know.
Hey, don’t sweat it so much B-mom. You’re gorgeous.
October 22, 2007 at 2:56 pm
You are attractive. He’ll be attracted to you physically too so the whole point is really moot. I answered at greater length on my blog.
And, jules: you seem to subscribe to my theory of beauty exactly! Wooie. Maybe it isn’t just mine. Maybe I should call it the non-shithead theory of beauty.
October 22, 2007 at 3:01 pm
You can call it the non-shithead theory of beauty as held by non-crappy headed men!
October 22, 2007 at 3:14 pm
It totally depends on the guy. Any man with genuine emotional depth gradually comes to see the woman he loves as the standard by which he judges other women, in all ways. It’s important, IMO, to hold out for a relationship in which this is possible on both ends of the equation . . . that the more you know each other, the more beautiful you seem to each other. Because, dear Biblio, even if you were what you considered to be “perfect,” things change, inevitably. You don’t want a guy who is attracted to your perfect self. You want one who is attracted to your whole self.
There are men out there who are capable of this. I am frequently fortunate enough to have them as clients, and have seen many genuinely loving, happy, and passionate relationships between people who don’t fit Madison Avenue’s exact idea of “beautiful.” There is no reason why a guy wouldn’t find you funny and nice, and also incredibly desirable. The funny and nice might or might not be what he notices first. If he’s sensible and a gentleman, even if he does think you’re ungodly hot, he won’t say so right up front, because that would be inappropriate. You have more to worry about, IMO, from a guy who is too sexually forthright than from one who appears to be attracted to you for other reasons. Chances are that the “other reasons” guy is also sexually attracted to you, but wants something more real, and so is playing the game by different rules.
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October 17, 2007 at 10:16 pm
The second picture reminds me of when I was about twelve. I had a cousin who must have been eighteen. She was immeasurably cool and she had painted toenails. They were purple (I think — I mean, the could have been blue for all I know but I think of them as having been purple) and her feet are dark. But, she did have kinda groovy sandals like yours. Anyway, it reminds me of that time. We play croquet barefoot while the big people wore sandals until dark and then chased fireflies until…I think I’ll email about that another time. It is PJ time and reading time for me and my sweetie.
I guess that isn’t really on topic. It sort of is though. It is a nice memory. Thanks for summoning it.