Letting Go
- I’m letting go of the feeling that the numbers on the scale somehow define my worth. Healthy is what I again want to strive for. I might not fit into my size 6 pre-baby number 2 jeans but when I was that size 6 I wasn’t happy even if I was wearing the size that I think will make me the most happy.
- I’m letting go of the idea that love can only come in 2 or 3 cookie cutter forms. Love is fluid like water. Love can fill whatever vessel that it chooses. Two bodies making love can possess the same love as two people miles away. Love is evolving and I’m letting go of considering it as static. Instead I will float on the waves of love this coming year. If I’m lucky I will rise and fall with the ebb and flow of love.
- I’m letting go of holding on to past hurts. I’m not a person who tends to dwell or hold grudges but I do face the future in a constant state of fear over being hurt by someone because of how I assume that I’ve been hurt in the past. Some situations may mirror something in the past but being afraid of connection or love or friendship because I just might get hurt doesn’t help me but instead hurts me and holds me back
Carrying Forward
- I’m carrying forward friendships and connections that I have made over the course of the last year in the strangest of places. Places where people gather. Places filled with glitches. Places where people blog. Strangers. Absolute strangers who have been ears when I’ve needed them and shoulders where tears could fall. Of course not to mention those people who were there before. Those people who have stuck with me and watched me grow and stood back in awe of the metamorphosis that has happened. I’m not a butterfly yet but I’m working towards it and those connections have been the leaves that I’ve rested and those dearest of friends whose love has sustained me are the cocoons in which I’ve found the love that has helped me to gain my wings. Those of you who are readers and share your passion for reading with me, those of you who write and who inspire me with the your eloquence and depth, those of you who see the world through a lens and share with me things that I can’t see. You are all being carried forward.
- I’m carrying forward my independence. I’m able to read in bed. I’m able to come and go as I choose. I’m able to not be afraid of what the night will bring or what the day holds. I’m able to make macaroni and cheese and not have it perfect and cross my fingers so that I don’t have to make another box to pass the perfect mac and cheese test. I can spend time with whoever I want to and see my family as much as I want. Freedom. Independence.
- I’m carrying forward being a grown up and having fun at the same time. It was during the last year that I finally felt that I was a grown up and that the decisions in my life rested in my hands. It was a sobering and exciting moment to realize while driving down the interstate from my office to home that I was a grown-up. That doesn’t preclude me from enjoying silliness and laughter. It doesn’t stop me from watching the snow drift to the ground in silent awe and it definitely doesn’t stop me from laughing at myself and my misadventures on a daily basis. Just tonight I was snuggled in bed with the littlest of us and I noticed that she was wet. I assumed that her diaper must have been a bit off kilter and therefore leaked. I checked her and to my surprise there was NO diaper. I thought maybe she took it off, somehow getting out of her pajamas and then taking off the diaper and then sliding them back up again yet there was no phantom diaper and no opportunity for her to do it. I had to admit that the blame lie with me. After her bath tonight I just put her Pj’s on. No diaper. (I agree with the wisdom of my 7 year old… “Hey at least she didn’t poop”) But here I was having to change my sheets tonight because I had forgot to put a diaper on the little one and we were in my bed reading every Bill Martin/Eric Carle Bear book ever published. I had to laugh. Plus, I love clean sheets and now I’ll have some to snuggle under. I have to laugh.
The diaper thing might have been a subconscious wishful thinking thing
. I love the Eric Carle books.
Eloquently written. I like how you framed your perspective on the coming year as a metamorphosis, letting go and carrying forward. Great idea.
Hello
thank you so much for visiting my blog and leaving the lovely comment. I’ve just spent several minutes reading your last few posts and I just want to say CONGRATULATIONS on making it through a very challenging year in a way that sounds so self empowering and positive. “Letting Go” sure has been a major theme in my life this past year, too…right along with things like “allowing”, “embracing” and selfcare/self-love. I look forward to coming back here and I’m so glad you popped in! May 2008 bring you continued healing, joy and love!
Growth of oneself is beautiful – I feel privlaged to be able to watch as you spread those butterfly wings.
This was so lovely to read. Letting go will allow you to room for new things in life as you carry forward the good stuff. And with all that good stuff, 2008 should be a good year.
I’m so glad I met you through blogging. That’s one of the good things about 2007.
Ah, the diaper thing. Sigh.
I’d like to get back into my size 6 myself, but maybe I should just let go too.
Wonderful, Bibliomom. I wish you all the best in 2008. You’re off to a great start before the year even begins.
This is just stunning, particularly the notion that love is fluid like water. A beautiful revery about what to keep and let go of in one’s life. Acceptance and change.
A wonderful list to fulfill a wonderful idea. I think you’ve got the right idea: examine your life and decide what to let go of and what to keep. Excellent!
It’s something I hope to carry forward, too… friendships, particularly some of those I’ve made here in The Blogosphere. It’s quite surprising, some of the people I’ve “met” in this place. You are certainly one of those I hope to continue staying in touch with throughout 2008. Blessings to you and yours. ~ julian
These are awesome, Bmom. I admire your resolution, as well as your resolutions.
Sounds like you have it all wrapped up! Congratulations!
You can only receive when you’ve opened your hand to let go.
Sounds to me like you’ve grown an awful lot this year, and I don’t mean out of the size sixes. Here’s to a great New Year!
I like the idea of deciding what to let go of, and what to bring forward. You’ve had an amazing year, BMom … I think you’ve reached the crest of the hill, and the view is going to start dazzling you.
Finally!
Though, of course, I’m me. So, I’ll object to the phrasing. OK. It is really David’s comment that made me feel like objecting to the phrasing.
The whole “letting go” of things isn’t enhanced by mentioning them. At least, it isn’t for two year olds. The very notion of being a grown-up is … well, I didn’t ever want to be one and I’m not. I remember being curious about it. I asked my Mom about it. “What’s it feel like being a grown-up?” She said that she still felt the same was when she was a little girl.
I know you did say something similar to that. I’m almost willing to believe you meant it that way but not quite.
And to that I’m sure you’ll say “Sigh. Why do you always say things like that?” To save a bit of time, I’ll answer. I think you’ll have the best year you’ve had in more than a decade — maybe the best year of your life so far. And I think it will still be filled with crazy things and some of them will suck. At those moments, I hope you remember that you figured out a bunch of things but not all of them and that’s really to the good. If you’d figured them all out, there’d be no new problems to solve and that would be boring. Maybe remembering that will make the sucky things suck less.