The snow storm caused school to be let out early and I left the office early anticipating treacherous driving conditions. The interstate wasn’t SO bad. I’ve driven on much worse. I saw one van rolled over and just as I was coming down the hill to my exit the Blazer behind me went into the ditch.
The girls and I got home and the fun started. My youngest was sitting on me whining and I just thought she was tired. She then proceeded to throw up. Massive amounts, they had carrots for dinner at her babysitters. ALL OVER ME!. We showered. Changed. She did it again. That time her Dad happened to be here unannounced for GOD knows what reason. He stood in the doorway and watched as she threw up all over me. He also refused to offer to help with anything. I carried her to the bathroom and in her tiny voice goes, “Daddy”. He then proceeds to walk across my carpet in his snow covered shoes. Carpet his daughters play on the selfish bastard. I look up as shes throwing up and see his shoes. I tell him to take them off to which he responds, ‘Well I’m not staying’. I glare at him, “Get the hell out then”. I have enough to do.
I start taking my second set of vomit covered shirt . He’s seen me naked and I don’t care if he sees me take my shirt off. I’m covered in puke and all desire for modesty is gone. Guess what he says to me? “Are you trying to tempt me?”. My response.. “Fuck off and get out I have enough to do”. He never offers to help or asks what I might need. This is my second sick kid in 48 hours and at this point I’m anticipating a long night. A long night knowing he won’t give us a second thought. He’ll sleep undisturbed. He’ll be in peace. I hate him in that moment, it’s not the first moment of hatred nor will it likely be the last but it’s there then and it’s enveloping me. I despise him for all of his selfishness and all of his ego and for the fact that he leaves it all to me. All alone.
Since then she’s thrown up numerous times. She’s not keeping water down. I’m on my fourth set of clothes and shes on her third pair of pjs. I’m planning to sleep with her on the couch because we already have a load of vomit covered laundry to do tomorrow and three blankets and I don’t want to add any more bedding to that mix. As I think that another cause of my hate for him rises up in me. I don’t have a washer or dryer. Not only is he not losing sleep. Not caring. Not giving a second thought but he has a washer and dryer. Has he called to check on her? No! He might care but it’s such a small amount. He only cares about himself.
These girls are my life. Bring it on sleepless night. Vomit show me what you’ve got. I’m the one to wipe their faces and rub their backs. I’m the one to whisper ‘i love you’ and be called out to after a bad dream. I’m the one to change the diapers and help with homework. I’m the one that gets thrown up on and snuggled with. I’m teaching them caring. I’m showing them that love is not just something that you say it’s something that you do, actively. I’m showing them what selfless is. You’re showing them that you’re fine with me doing this all by myself and that you can’t be troubled to take off your snow covered shoes to help me find a washchloth or comfort a sick little girl.
I think you got the best end of the deal. Let him be the distant daddy. They know Mom is there for them.
Oh honey! Preach it. This veteran single mom will be cheering you every step of the way. They WILL, as they get older, figure it out and recognize what you are doing for them. How you are there. How he is not. I know we just found each other here in blog land, but I swear we need to talk!! And I do promise you that it gets better. Meanwhile – enjoy caring your sick baby. Shawn is right – you got the best end of the deal, vomit and all.
Yep, you got the long end of the stick — but I still feel for you with the vomit — BTDT.
I also think you’ve got the better end of the bargain. Give me his address. I know people…
You are the one they’ll remember.
Meanwhile, don’t let them drink! That was one of the things that was the hardest to learn for me, when they’re throwing up like crazy, to clean them up and give them no more than a spoonful of water at a time. Then wait about 10 minutes before they can have another. It lets their systems adjust. And it’s horrible, they fight you, but it works. {{{you}}}
The sickness will be brief, but the compassion and care-giving will last a lifetime. As the girls mature, they’ll see who the real parent was/is.
Wow, that is horrible. Your girls will remember all of this someday and love you even more for how you were there for them.
That jerk doesn’t deserve visitation for a pet rock. Too bad he didn’t slip on the snow as he left.
I hope the girls are feeling better, and that you don’t catch it next…
i don’t quite know how to respond to this. I don’t quite know what to say. It makes me sad for the girls. And I guess, being a weekend daddy myself, on some level makes me sad for him.
I do know this… he will come to find out he really screwed up squandering their childhood. Not some much because of any affect it will have on the girls. Of course I can’t predict the future but kids are pretty resilient and with such a caring, attentive mom supporting them, I’m sure they’ll be just fine.
No, he will find it will have an affect on him.
There was about a three year period where I didn’t get to see my daughter much because of military obligations and I ache to have that time back. I ache to relive when she was little enough to carry in my arms and she wanted me to. I ache to smell that baby smell they have.
No one should have that kind of ache… even if it’s self imposed like he has done.
Bravo. Wonderful, emotional essay. While covered in vomit, you are a shiny example.
Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement.
As you could tell by my tone when I wrote this I was frustrated, angry and exhausted. Well it’s today and it’s been 24 hours and the vomit hasn’t ceased. Her last go round with it was two hours ago and she’s been sleeping ever since. I’ve spent a good chunk of today at the doctor and now I’m keeping my fingers crossed for more peaceful night. I’m prepared though. I did laundry. She went through every pair of pj’s last night.
Thanks again.
I know this one well. They really are a different breed. How “fathers” can turn the switch to off and forget about them is beyond me but they all do it. I could tell you stories that you might believe now that you have been through some of this yourself. Anyone that hasn’t, would not believe.
Remember that you are the one that they will always turn to and respect and love and appreciate. Their dad is far, far less. In fact, they might come to know him as a mere sperm donor.
“She went through every pair of pj’s last night.”
It’s time to turn up the heat and let her go naked. Or maybe you’re talking about your PJ’s.
I don’t know if you want to go naked or not.
My eyes are overflowing. Kevin read this over my shoulder and is experiencing the same. You have no idea how blessed you are. Vomit is good. It is very, very good.
I can’t really agree that vomit is good, but you are… very, very good. And you have every right to be angry. I wish I could help, looks like you’re facing a long weekend. But you’re strong enough and you’re going to come through it just fine.
As a single Dad of two kids, this piece really resonated with me. I feel this anger like vomit sometimes rise in me and yet it lives so close to this great love.
You are a wonderful Mom. Your daughters will remember that.
Wow. What an ass.
You showed that you’re the better person. Of course, in this world, the better person is the one who usually gets shit on. Or vomited on, I guess.
I just — I don’t understand people. I don’t understand how men can father children and have so little feeling for them. I mean … as a single guy with a serious vomit phobia, if I’d shown up at your door, I would have at least volunteered to do your laundry for you, just to give you a break. I wouldn’t have wanted to, and I would have shuddered the whole time, but you know … there’s a right thing to do, no matter how distasteful or inconvenient it might be. And that’s certainly a hundred times more true when your own children are involved.
The best thing you ever did was getting away from him. I am so glad you didn’t wait.
What a pig. His daughter is sick and has just puked on you, but clearly you’re in the mood for some ex lovin’. Temptress!!!
Sadly, we get the job of covering for a lame-ass father. Another thankless job for the list…
Vomit really puts things in perspective, doesn’t it?